The train to the coast is the fastest way to get there without flying

The pet store always wants a donation

With millions of schoolchildren and millions of pet dogs in our country, there must be a few dozen instances each year where someone's dog legitimately eats their homework and the child has to explain to the teacher with a straight face that it actually happened and isn't just a lame excuse. Even if the student had a note from their parent or something this would still be awkward, because this is exactly the sort of thing you'd write a fake note about in attempting to pull off your lie.

Please report back if you try this

In our modern times of brazen sexual conquests and oversharing, it's become socially acceptable to contract sexually transmitted diseases ... as long as you then loop in all your former partners and give them a heads up that they might be in on that action. This is probably a step in the right direction public health policy wise, even if it's still an awkward topic for some people.

Imagine a scenario where you are in your early 30s and find out you've contracted some condition sometime in the last 5-10 years. As a responsible modern adult, you would then want to get back in touch with what I'm sure is a multitude of incredibly desirable and adventurous people who have shared your bed in the last decade. You should probably just give them a phone call, make sure they're in a private place, and then discreetly let them know what's up. They'll be a little shocked or angry, and maybe not know what to say, but ultimately they will feel a little gratitude towards your honesty.

However, a much much more interesting way to do this would be to write up a disturbingly graphic description of every particular encounter you had with them, and everything that was done between the two of you, and then send that letter to their current house addressed to their spouse, and just sort of wait and see what happens.

The allegations had a weak foundation

Putting any actual political beliefs aside, I find the mere attendance of and excitement around political rallies to be disturbing. I think at a high level what you're seeing is the reduction of hundreds or thousands of individuals into a massive mob -- and I don't think I've ever seen any discourse become more intelligent or civil by turning what might have been well intended and intelligent individuals into a mob.

At a lower level it's uncomfortable for me to think that attending a political rally and pegging your hopes on the (not all reliable or true?) promises of a candidate is the best use of your time to achieve whatever your aims are. There's a depressing side of this spectrum where all I can see is people trying to avoid solving their own problems, and looking for someone to promise them that everything's going to be alright instead of taking ownership over their own lives. There's an even more depressing part of the spectrum where a person has lost so much hope and so much agency in their own lives that the lies of a politician truly are the best hope they have for solving those problems.

So at the same time as I find it hard to relate and disturbing to witness, I consider myself fortunate to be in a position where I don't need either of those illusions.

If there were rulers on walls I'd do the same thing with my height

Outside of good wholesome eating and a vigorous schedule of pushups, I don't get too obsessed over my general health or body image. I could probably use a better haircut of course, but who couldn't?

This lack of knowledge and attention to my health stats goes far enough that I'm not really sure what my exact weight is with any real precision. I can probably guess to within 5 pounds, and that's about it. When they asked me at the doctor's office I'll just give that ballpark answer and hope it's good enough. I think if I were being administered anesthesia or being weighed in for a boxing match or something, I'd pay more attention.

Anyway, whenever I find myself at the house of someone who has a bathroom scale, or whenever I happen to use the bathroom in my own house which has a scale in it, I will -- without fail -- step on the scale to weigh myself, and note the weight. This periodic reminder is probably helping me keep that ballpark accurate, even though I'm not going to do anything with the information.

I will never seek out a scale, but I will also never fail to use one. It seems like such a waste to just let the scale sit there and not do its job for you.

It never even occurred to me to buy every house on the block

When I'm not using The Facebook to look at pictures of babies or to read the poorly thought out political ramblings of people I haven't spoken to in 15 years, I'll sometimes be presented with a list of people who have "liked" some large store or brand on Facebook.

I don't really get what's happening with these people. Why are so many people "liking" things like Walmart or the New York Times or Target? My only guess is that they did this once years ago as part of entering a contest or something, and then the "like" is still there and they don't know or care about it but an algorithm has decided to tell me anyway. If it is not the case that they were entering a contest or in some other way compelled to like these brands because it worked to their potential advantage somehow ... but instead did so completely out of their own volition for no real reward ... then I am even more disturbed.